Immigration Bureaucracy

The truth is that we would not be living in Israel now if not for my brother-in-law. We would have likely given up back in May after a few frustrating calls to the ministry of absorption, internal affairs or education. Everyone was very polite and understanding but no one was able to give definite answers to our questions. As much as we tried we couldn't sign the kids to schools in advance, left with a risk that a 39 student class in the neighborhood school may be filled (to 40) and we would need to drive one of the kids to a different school. Even with a universal and free medical insurance policy in Israel we could not get any assurance that on the 7th months of pregnancy I will be eligible to medical insurance as soon as I stepped down from the plane. We were getting brief refusals (rejected the status of Returning Citizen) without any explanation. Phone calls to ElAl, which was supposed to proudly bring us back home on a discounted rate, were stuck after a few selections leading to a dead line.

Imagine doing this while still working full time, trying to sell the house, finding a place to live in Israel, managing kids' school and activities, possibly looking for a job here, planning to ship your all posessions - and you may very well give up right at that moment. Life is good enough in Boston. Why fight through such resistance? We were angry, disappointed, exhausted and we almost gave up. But it was spring - the season of high hopes and endeavor, plus we had a guarding angel with a sword.

My husband's brother has been through such immigration process with his family a few years ago returning from a dream-like Central park apartment back to Israel. He is also a lawyer by training and unlike us is very verse in understanding and interpreting the law, using his wit to get to people in high places and persuading them to help him. He has been calling us daily well aware of the fragile nature of the process and guiding us through the confusing maze of the steps. I should admit that even with his enormous help almost nothing has been accomplished before we arrived but at least we got to learn why and prepare an itemized plan of action set in place as soon as we stepped in Israel.

When we arrived my brother-in-law took a week off and patiently drove us daily to tens of various offices: social security, ministry of internal affairs, ministry of education, medical insurance agency, luggage taxation, bank where we slowly managed to put our life back in place. He taught us where and how to park (a crucial survival skill in Tel Aviv) and where to grab a bite in-between to remind ourselves why we really came to live here.

Three months into the adventure and we are almost there. We learn to know our rights, to demand and to follow up after every fax or phone conversation. We also learn to be patient because the year is really just starting now, after the long holidays. Half of our kids' teachers still have no clue that they have some alien creatures in their class for whom Hebrew is not a native tongue. But as soon as we take it upon ourselves and tell them, they hug the kids, share their home phone and promise that everything will be all right.

And while such "all right" promises made me really angry in the US - I wanted to know when exactly, how and at what price it will be all right - we learned to live with it here.  Because things do work out at the end, somehow... Not in a straight and structured way of law we used to in the US, but through the help of caring, welcoming and passionate people. 

High holidays with the family: the best of it, the worst of it, plus the food.

Proximity to the family has always been a big source of discussion for all the Israelis in the US who, like us, found themselves bringing up their kids half way across the world from the rest of their relatives. The arguments were:

• Kids need a family to be loved by.  They also need someone (other than webkinz)  to reciprocate with affection and care.  The larger this circle of love and support is, the more comfort and confidence it gives our kids. However, this love is also expressed through the smoochy lipsticky kisses from your aunt and you being called strange chicken names like"Kapara sheli."
• Who are we going to invite to our son's Bar Mitzvah? Not enough relatives in the US, too many relatives in Israel.
• Parents are getting older and it is so difficult to advise, support and help them from across the ocean.  On the other hand we can provide them with a secondary medical opinion and some material support from the US.
• Israel offers a plenitude of family babysitters. Chess or biking with grandpa is priceless. But don't be surprised that your kids have learned a song from grandma about teacher's underwear by the morning. Or that your mom told your son that boys don't cry.
• Need help moving furniture? If this would be in Israel I could call my brother, brother-in-law or my uncle.  Whom can I call here on a spur of the moment? At the same time, no favors taken means no favors returned.
• You are used to getting family phone calls once-a-week, in Israel everyone will be calling you daily.
• Your weekends, they belong to you in the US. In Israel, they are shorter and they belong to your extended family.

All these short previews we played in our heads turned into realistic melodramas since we arrived to Israel.  However, while in the dark cold night in Boston we were focusing on the worst of it, waking up in sweat, terrified of the consequences of the decision we made, the reality turned out to be much more pleasant and manageable. Kids really enjoy seeing grandparents on a weekly basis. A grandma stopping by for lunch (and bringing delicious food with her!), grandpa coming to babysit anytime we need to go out, grandma playing the tooth fairy, another grandpa on call with any Tanakh questions. While our kids' social life here are still fragile, the friendship and care of the family pad them with enough self-confidence to be very happy.


There are of course challenges. During the holidays we are laughed at when we are trying to explain that seeing the family day after day is too much for everyone. I go berserk observing the typical Middle Eastern table chauvinism with women cooking, serving men and cleaning the dishes off the table and trying my best to make sure our kids do not absorb it.  My Sephardic mother-in-law is reprimanding me for not folding my husband's clothes in his closet, while my Ashkenazi mother is openly showing her surprise that my husband's academic position does not come with car benefits like management positions in the industry. Taking this all with a sense of humor and some understanding helps us stay calm.


To our surprise, we are enjoying time with the family much more than we anticipated.  While we have been concentrating on the benefits it can bring our kids, we completely forgot how much calm, happiness and sense of purpose it can bring to us and our relatives. 


Binding all the family gatherings is of course food. Large potluck meals with 2-3-4 tables assembled in a row. When our 16 piece Crate&Barrel plate set is not enough.  When everyone brings large bags with homemade bread, salads, quiches, chicken, meat, fish, hummus or desserts and everyone takes someone else's dishes left-overs for the day after.  These are meals that tell family stories. Here are some dishes from our Sukkot gathering:


Moroccan soup (Chrira - Silk) from my sister-in-law


1 kg beef meat 
3-4 bones
1 cup brown peas
1 cup hummus beans from the can (or dried hummus that have been put in water overnight)
2 cups of fresh tomatoes crashed in blender
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup lemon juice
4 liter water
1 cup noodles
1 head celery
1 bunch of parsley
1 bunch cilantro
3 onions, diced and fried
1.5 teaspoons black pepper
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
salt


Dry and clean canned hummus beans from any transparent shell.
Add meat, bones, peas and water and boil for 2 hours on a medium fire.
Meanwhile dice and fry onions.
After 2 hours add onions, celery, cilantro and the rest of ingredients into the soup and boil for additional 30 mins
5 min before the soup is done, add noodles and flour mixed with 1/2 cup of water.


Delicious eggs stuffed with mushrooms from my mom's collection (Russians love mushrooms and know how to pick them and cook them)


10-12 eggs. To my surprise eggs are sold in dozens in Israel despite the use of the metric system.
400 gram of any mushrooms,
2 large onions
1 tablespoon mayonnaise
1 tablespoon soy sauce
2 teaspoons sugar


boil hard eggs and remove the shell
cut each egg in two halves, removing egg yolk into a large salad bowl
mush all the egg yolks in the bowl
dice and fry onions and add to the yolks
cut mushrooms into small pieces and fry, adding soy sauce and sugar when they start to brown
add mushrooms to the yolks
mix all the ingredients in the bowl, adding mayo
place all the egg white halves on the flat plate
make little balls from the mix in the bowl and fill the yolk holes in the whites
refrigerate, take out of the fridge an hour before serving




Colorful salad from my dear Bostonian friend Julia (kids friendly - they are always happy to help make it and gladly eat it)


use equal volume of hard  boiled eggs, radishes and cucumbers
cut them all in equal size small pieces
add salt and mayo
serve in a transparent bowl to enjoy the purple-green-white-and yellow mix


Chicken in Cola sauce from our Israeli friend in Boston - Amit Milshtein

Fry onions (cut to rings) in a little vegetable oil.(2-3 onions)

Add soy sauce to the browning onions (half a cup)

Add thinly sliced garlic cloves (the more the better)

Throw in some boneless skinless chicken thighs 

Add coke (half to full cup).

Add some chili powder and black pepper.

Close the pot and let cook for 30 minutes.

You could also add some dry plums with the chicken, if you like it.

This can also be cooked in the oven, if you just throw all the above ingredients in a bowl, mix and let them marinate for an ghour in the refrigerator, then throw them all in a baking pan, cover with aluminum foil and cook for one hour. At the end remove the alum foil and let it get a little crispy on top.

Salmon with Maple Glaze (a Gourmet recipe. Remember there used to be such an amazing food magazine...)


Need: 1 large salmon

glaze:
1/2 cup maple syrop
1 tablespoon ginger
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1.2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 teaspoon minced garlic

scallions or parceley for decoration

In a small heavy saucepan simmer all the glaze ingredients for about 20 mins and let cool.

Clean salmon, cut into slices, salt, and put in a lightly-oiled shallow pan for broiling. Broil in the stove or grill without the sauce till salmon looks ready and no longer rare in the middle. Put a teasppon of sauce on top of each salmon piece and decorate with scallions when serving. Serve the remainder of the sauce aside so people can pour more on the plate.

White in October and some rules of Israeli etiquette that we learned

Nights are becoming cooler but midday is still hot and humid. To us it is a continuation of a long summer and I enjoy wearing white weeks after Labor Day. (It is an American tradition to wear white shoes and clothes only during summer crowned between the Memorial and Labor Days)  But October here is so warm and clean that white reflective linen, cotton and silk are still the most comfortable materials.  Unlike me, some fashionable locals are already using this small drop in the temperatures (around 80 F now) to switch sandals to high ankle boots.

Mediterranean sea here is a privilege. It is so pleasantly and surprisingly warm (after Atlantic and Pacific oceans), beaches are clean, sandy and shallow. However waves are always dangerously high allowing for dipping, jumping, surfing, boogie-boarding but not swimming. We are lucky to live just 10 mins away but given that the country is narrowly stretched along the sea, you can get to the beach in 1 hour from almost any location. We still fantasize about the beach more than we go there. Routine daily life is expectantly hectic and most of the Israelis have to challenge themselves to get to the beaches more often.

Kids are finally happily go to and from school yet still think and talk about their American friends more than about their local buddies. Just today Naor mentioned that if we end up going back to the US, he would like us to live in the Boston area. Nadia attended her first class birthday party, after a lot of encouragement. She really enjoyed it and we all learned a few rules of Israeli etiquette:

1. Everyone was invited and everyone came (30 or 40 kids!) No RSVP was required.
2. Party was on a school day, at 5pm, in the park. Almost everyone showered and changed from the school uniform to a fancy clothing. We didn't...
3. There was a store-ordered pizza and home-made chocolate cake. You heard it: home-made! I love home-made cakes and cupcakes and we usually made them in the US for small home birthday parties but I do not recollect any large scale event for 20+ kids or adults than didn't have store-bought sheet cake with a disgusting colorful frosting. I should start practicing making chocolate cakes for my kids' birthdays in April.
4. Another surprise: no goody bags.

We invited a family from Naor's class for Friday night dinner and at the end of the dinner, after a few beers, the father admitted that he realized we spend a lot of time abroad when the dinner invitation arrived via email two weeks in advance (instead of a casual phone call or instant message a day before) and the invitation was for Friday night - time customary set aside for family gatherings. Saturday lunch or dinner turns out to be more appropriate for non-family friends.

Kids acclimation, step-by-step. Not so easy.

Nadia to me: "Mommy, I think Israel is not for us."
She is implying that we should wrap up this experiment and return back to Boston. She has had hard time in the past two weeks, refusing to go to school, crying at separation, missing her US friends. Her teacher and the school director are very understanding and wrap her in love and attention during the meltdowns. She has a good class and supportive friends who sincerely care for her. Still, she clearly doesn't feel comfortable at the school yet.

Naor had recently snapped at her making us realize that she has been coming to him for consolation during class breaks in these first two weeks of school. Both of them had not mentioned this up until now and it makes us simultaneously happy of their connection yet sad that she suffers. We are surprised that it is especially hard for Nadia because she has a strong character and a friendly nature. She has started a full day daycare at the age of 15 months with a big smile and has been surrounded by friends ever since.

Now, the fast school pace and the excessive noise seem to take her out of this natural equilibrium. However, we believe that it is slowly getings better day after day. It seems that her will is taking control. Following the advice of her teacher, she has cut the school good bye to minimum sending me home as soon as she crosses the class door. She joined the school choir, yet is not always keen on going. A few days ago she surprised us with a set of masterful drawing (something that neither of our kids have been interested or good at before). We realize that this is a quiet escape for her during the hectic school breaks but trust that she will find a golden middle between being alone and playing with the friends.

We love the school yet there seems to be some lack of order that we used to in the US. Three weeks into a school year and one week before the holidays we still have not received the school-year calendar. The daily schedule has been changing in the first two weeks leading to the kids' confusion. There is a school website with forums for parent-teacher-kids communication and latest changes are usually posted there along with the homework but you have to login and check for this updates daily. There are ten various textbooks and same amount of workbooks as well as numerous folders that should be brought to school when the corresponding class is on. Confusingly some tex books are named differently than their subjects making it almost impossible to understand what needs to be packed daily. It seems to be specially hard for newcomers like us, although both kids mention that quite a few of their 11 year old and 8 year classmates cried in frustration during the first weeks.

Naor is much less sharing about his feelings. He seems to have found the way to be one of 'them' yet staying a careful outside observer. During recess he joins in on popular local games - POWs (שבויימ) and dodgeball (מחניימ). After school he admits to being occasionally overwhelmed and seeks solitude in his room.

There is something suspiciously surprising that we didn't have in our private elementary school in the US. Auditions! There is a school choir and a school dance troupe that are free yet require an entrance test. Never before have our kids been told that they can't be in because they lack the talent. Nadia got accepted to choir but not to the dance troupe. Naor didn't care to try.

Serendipitously I stumbled upon an interesting and relevant video on the New York Times website. A family of Times journalist from Brooklyn, NY, spent 5 years in Moscow, Russia, sending their three American kids to a Russian-speaking private school. The 10-minute clip shows the hard adaptation process of each of the kids, highlights the cultural differences between the schools, the friendships that kids made and the strength that they gained from this amazing experience. I shared this video with both of my kids and to my surprise each fascinatingly watched the video till the very end, remarking on the resemblance of this kids' experience to ours. The link to this video.

I am so fortunate to stay home for now, to have luxury of time and patience to observe and guide our kids through this school adjustment process. However, kids realization that I am watching over them undoubtedly makes them more fragile and dependent. Our bonus for now is that both kids enjoy spending time with us much more than before. Probably for not too long..

Ehud Banai in Jaffa

There is a magical spell in the Israeli music.  It is either the Mizrahi (middle-eastern) motif swirls, or the simple and naive words about the future, love and understanding sang in this fragile land - but you feel it in your heart. When I first came to Israel in 1991, Galei Zahal (Israeli Army Radio) was my window from the four-bedroom apartment shared by seven new immigrants of various ages and distant relationships into the world of young and confident Israelis. I fell in love with the songs of Izhar Ashdod, Haverim shel Natasha, and Yehuda Policker.

We kept listening to these songs in LA and Boston, discovering new albums and artists on every visit to Israel, trying to recreate the sacred feeling of Iom Shishi (Friday) through Israeli newspaper and music. Together they served as a poison and anti-poison, with the newspapers usually being disturbing and  infuriating, while the music healing and nostalgic.

Moshe had always adored Ehud Banai and a few years ago bought two tickets for us to attend his concert in Boston.  A strong storm on that day dumped seven feet of snow, cancelling schools, altering traffic and job schedules.  Our babysitter called to cancel, afraid to drive on the slippery icy roads after the storm.  We were quite certain that the concert will not take place but the organizers insisted that Banai and his band are coming from NYC by bus.  Moshe went with a few of our friends, navigating his 4-wheel drive through the frozen Narnia land.  Banai and his group ended up arriving two hours late. They reciprocated by playing for three straight hours and the auditorium cheered by joining in, dancing and standing ovations.

Through their songs, Ehud Banai, Arkadi Duchin, Aya Korem, Nehama Sisters and others, brought us here. They may very well be the reason why thousands of Israelis living abroad always hope to go back one day, they are the best and most honest PR Israel has.

Now, our first outing back here is a concert of Ehud Banai in the Gesher theater in old Jaffa. Illuminated palm trees, cobblestone plaza and evening humidity seems to be a surrealistic alternative to Boston's snow. A Sepharadic rocker, singing inside a Russian theater, located in a mostly Arab town. Despite the biting price of the tickets the theater is packed. As soon as the songs come up we feel at home. 

One of my favorite songs "I will bring you" ("אביא לך")

Our First Week of School

Naor's wildest dream came true: his teacher drives to work on a motorcycle.  Here is a story of a cool Jewish mother that stops at nothing for her kids. She has two grown up kids and four vehicles at home. When her son finished the army and started working in Haifa while studying in Tel Aviv, she didn't want him to endanger himself riding his motorcycle long distance. So, she gave him her car, got a motorcycle license this summer and is now riding to school daily.

Nadia's teacher used to be a documentary movie producer. Now she is providing wonderful citations from Henry Ford and Cat in the Hat in every parent newsletter.

Both teachers gave the kids and us their emails and cell phone numbers, encouraging to call with any questions.

Naor has spent the last two weeks before school driving us and himself crazy from his loneliness. I couldn't schedule any playdates with the kids from his new class because everyone seemed to be on vacation. Then, in one day everything changed. He met with his teacher who invited along three kids from his class. After this he walked to their home and had a long playdate with two of them.  Arrived home in the afternoon only to tell us that he is going to a class party at some Frozen Yougurt place in the evening and someone is coming to pick him up.  Terrified from this sudden independence, Moshe rushed to set up a cell phone for Naor.

The kids do complain that it is too noisy in the class.
Unable to hear the homework explanation, Nadia just copies the homework assignment letter by letter from the board. Occasionally, we have to call her friend or teacher to figure out what it all means. Moshe mused that she should take a photo camera to school and do a snapshot of the board with the list of homework.

There is no nurse at school. This may be the biggest shock for our kids who are used to coming and socializing with their school nurses almost daily. Sometimes it is a real fever, sometimes a scratch, a belly ache or a bad mood. In fact, on the very first day when Naor was at school in the US, his nurse called me:
"Is it true that your child likes coming to the nurse's office?"
I was surprised: "Did the other school's nurse told you? This is just the first day."
"No, but I know the type. He has been here twice already today. A very nice boy."

They loved nurses and nurses loved them, giving them a nice white bed to lie on and confess and a box of apple juice that cured any ailment. Now, absence of such psychologist in their new school may turn to better or worse. Hopefully, it will make them stronger and reduce the minuscule complaints.

The fact that kids have a lot of school books (instead of the printed handouts given in their US school) turned out to have some consequences: their bags are very heavy. For now, they pull 5 kg / 11 lb back and forth daily. The teachers do offer to leave books at school but as experienced parents advice me, this usually leads to forgetting to bring home something essential for the homework or exam preparation.

The world is small! At the afterschool activities fair we recognized a couple from the past - Newton, Gan Yeladim. Our older kids went together to kindergarten 6 years ago. Now we are neighbors. Typically for Israel, they have 4 kids now while we are just catching up with the 3rd.

Nadia was not happy with her seat assignment in the class. "I sit next to a boy who makes fun of me and my table is far back in the class." But then it turned out that she occupies exactly the same seat as I did (back in Russia) in the 80th. That completely changed her attitude. I think we may be in trouble when kids need to rotate their seats in a few months.

School offers a number of the after-school activities on the premises. I was told that it is important for the newcomer kids to participate in the popular activities to help socialize with the classmates. This sure is true - I saw three girls practicing their splits for the Jazz club before the school bell.

The kids told me that a few grades have their classrooms in a bomb shelter - there was no other building to expand into. Bomb shelters here are not underground as we used to have in Russian schools, but rather reinforced concrete structures with only one hermetic door. I am sure it is strange to study in the classroom without windows, however I recollect that the most exciting work arrangements I ever had were old army hangars (low ceiling, no windows) that my Special Effects company, Boss Film Studios, occupied.

Homework is minimal so far, however on some days I have to sit hours with Nadia studying Gematria. Being The Math Mom, I thought myself an expert in different fields of math. But here came Gematria... According to Wikipedia, it is a system of assigning numerical value to a word or phrase, in the belief that words or phrases with identical numerical values bear some relation to each other. In Nadia's 3rd grade it is presented as a coding system where every letter of the Hebrew alphabet represents a number. Words are sums of the numbers of the letters.


Peculiarly, the following equation holds is gematria:
child = father + mother
אמ + אב = ילד
44 = 3 + 41

March of the Millions

Last night we decided to join the March of the Million demonstration in Tel Aviv, and pulled the kids along with us. While we have been settling down, fighting to get the internet and color on the TV, the country has been drumming social revolution. It is about the time we join because the reasons seem right. We slowly get a taste of the high cost of living. Most of the goods and service prices are same or higher than in the US while after-tax salaries are at least 50% lower. This all is while country's economy is blooming.  (See full chart of the cost of living comparison, Boston vs Tel Aviv)

March of Millions gathered hundreds of thousands (Israel's population is 7.5 million).  Cell phone companies tracking attendance reported around 300,000 people marching in Tel Aviv alone. It was an exciting, safe, peaceful, and polite demonstration of people who are very angry with their government. No windows were broken and no one beaten or injured.  On opposite, like in the Disney movies, a beautiful hot air lantern and hundreds of colorful balloons were released in the air above the plaza. It seems that in this resentment of government policies the country was united - there were kids in baby carriers, strollers, young people, old people; jews and arabs; people speaking Hebrew, English and Russian. 

This guy is holding a Captain Hook figure, masterfully crafted from balloons, with a sign: 

"The country is stealing even from me" while the Prada ad is winking in the background.

This Jesus-looking gentelman on the light pole holds a very poignant sign:

 "Growth for the sake of growth is policy fit for cancer." 

Yes, people were singing and dancing.

Our kids were in awe and despite the exhaustion we were so happy that they got a chance to see these young energetic nice Tel Avivians, and realize the power of people to influence the authority.